Tag: SKIN CANCER

A LITTLE UPDATE | MY MELANOMA JOURNEY

A LITTLE UPDATE | MY MELANOMA JOURNEY

Its been a while since I last updated my you all about my melanoma journey. Its been a strange few months and I just haven’t wanted to blog about it. When things get on top of me I find it quite therapeutic releasing the thoughts […]

THE STORY BEHIND THE SCARS | MY MELANOMA JOURNEY

THE STORY BEHIND THE SCARS | MY MELANOMA JOURNEY

Its taken me quite sometime to get this post up. I am not sure what took me so long. I’ve been hanging out till I got the results but then I just couldn’t bring myself to type it up. Its so hard, even now a […]

THE WAIT BEGINS | MY MELANOMA JOURNEY

THE WAIT BEGINS | MY MELANOMA JOURNEY

So here I am again. Waiting, waiting for those all important words of “all clear.” This is the worst bit about my journey. I can just about cope with them telling me I need more surgery. Its a shock when they do but I come to terms with it in my own way. The waiting for the results is quite understandably the the most nerve wracking time. The will it be good news or bad, will they call or will they write. I have learnt that the telephone call is always bad news and a letter is the best news. I do not want that call.

Ever since I found out about my skin cancer, my mantra has been “punch fear in the face” but over the last few days I’m finding that a little difficult. On Saturday I was back in for another op to remove two new moles that have appeared right next to the original melanoma and punching fear seems more scary than ever before

I laid on the table and every thought process imaginable went through my head. In the 40 minutes that I was being cut into I had visions of me being bought back in. Receiving that telephone call, relaying the results onto family which in all honesty is the worst thing I have to do. Relaying bad news is never nice but when it comes to health its just a whole new level of scariness.

Its hard to bury your head in the sand when it comes to something so important. Never did I think I would ever be facing anything like this. Nor did I ever think I would be in the system as a cancer patient. Never did I think it would get me.

Again I am struggling to see past the good and thinking the worst. The moles they removed were new, brand bloody new, not even a year old and right by the original melanoma site. Obviously a huge concern when you have previous history of skin cancer. They were itchy, which I confused with the old scar as they said that would itch whilst it heals. They were actually the moles that were itching which is never a good sign either. The odds are not in my favour and I am scared I am going to get that dreaded phone call and not the letter.

Its hard, so very hard. Its scary, so very scary and all I can do is wait.

 

JUST WHEN I THINK EVERYTHING IS OK, THEY COME UP TRUMPS AND KNOCK ME BACK AGAIN

JUST WHEN I THINK EVERYTHING IS OK, THEY COME UP TRUMPS AND KNOCK ME BACK AGAIN

Its that time again where I made that fateful journey to the hospital. Friday was mole check day, and these are the appointments I hate. These are the appointments I stress over for weeks in advance. These are the appointments I wish I never had […]

A QUICK UPDATE | MY MELANOMA JOURNEY

A QUICK UPDATE | MY MELANOMA JOURNEY

I have been quite vocal about my Melanoma journey on the blog. I was diagnosed with Skin Cancer last year and although everything is going well its still an ongoing battle. Last month I was back in hospital having another mole removed {3 in total} […]

THE ENEMY

THE ENEMY

Most people love the sun, I rather like it, but I don’t love it. The sun is my Enemy, it isn’t my friend anymore and it won’t be for a very long time.

Its been a whole year since I first found that suspicious looking mole. Its been a whole year since I went in for my first operation and in just a few short weeks it will be a whole year since my melanoma diagnosis. Its been such a whirlwind year of cancer doctor appointments, scar treatment and plastic surgeon appointments and it still does not get any easier.

This week I was back in for another operation, this time on my back. It was quite a large mole and one I wasn’t bothered about, but it sparked concern with the consultants. I am now on a three week wait for the results and its a nerve wracking time. The wait for results seems like a lifetime away and its something I really do not enjoy. I try and put it to the back of my mind, but the potential of it coming back and having yet more surgery to clean it up scares me.

I am unable to do much at the moment. I can’t drive, I can’t pick up heavy things, I can’t lie on my side and most definitely cannot lie on my back. Sleeping is something that just isn’t happening as its awkward and I find myself snapping as I am so tired. My head is constantly in a spin and this operation was a big blow which does not hep my anxieties about skin cancer.

We all live in fear of cancer, but to be told you have skin cancer is terrifying. Even though it has the most successful survival rate, its still a scary time when your facing it. Its still the unknown of what ifs, and you still go through a whole range of emotions that leave you feeling low and deflated.

I feel battered and bruised. I now have 3 scars over my body due to this horrible disease. I still find it hard to get my head round it all. Each hospital visit feels me with dread. I am grumpy because I still feel angry that I got it. I still feel angry that it chose me. I was not a fan of the sun before and now I dread the sunny days. I dread having to make sure I have all the protection necessary. I shouldn’t have to dread the warm sunny days, but I do. I sit in the shade and basically shy away from it. I am scared, it was the sun that did this to me in the first place, so why should I like it? Its not exactly my friend? In fact its my enemy.

Damn you sun, Damn you..

 

 

MY LIFE IN LIMBO

MY LIFE IN LIMBO

I didn’t think I would ever be in a situation where I would need more surgery but last week I was told it was needed… Again… I could literally scream with anger, shout from the roof how frustrated and scared I am. It’s an overwhelming […]

Life Lately | Health

Life Lately | Health

This week I had my second plastic surgery appointment post operation and I really was not looking forward to. I had so many questions floating around my head and was worried I would get verbal diarrhoea when speaking to the consultant! Its been a long painful […]