Its taken me quite sometime to get this post up. I am not sure what took me so long. I’ve been hanging out till I got the results but then I just couldn’t bring myself to type it up. Its so hard, even now a year and a half in I still struggle to adjust to all the hospital visits, surgeries and recovery.
The last month has been so intense. Its been a whirlwind if I am honest. Since the end of January, I have been in hospital twice to remove three rogue moles. Surgery for me is something I struggle with. The build up, the day itself and the recovery. I struggle immensely. I am sure anyone would. Its a 40-60 minute procedure but strangly its takes a lot out of you and I think the worry beforehand plays a huge part.
I still feel angry and I still feel betrayed by the sun. I’ve struggled to get my head round it and I still panic like mad. I’m constantly on mole watch and it seems to have taken over my life. I spend most of my time searching for new moles and meticulously looking over G and H. Every time I look in the mirror I see the effects that this horrid disease has had on me. Permanent signs I have battled against it.
This time I had 3 moles removed, two behind my ear and the third running along my collar bone. The two behind my ear were the worrying ones. They had appeared with the last year and it sparked alarm bells. 2 new moles appearing next to the original Melanoma site was never going to be good. It was an urgent referral. The placing of the moles were not in an ideal place and recovery took some time. I am still in some discomfort but the whole area is still very sensitive from my original operation. I finally received my results last week and I am so happy that both moles came back ok. Nothing sinister. It was a very long four weeks wait and receiving that letter was the news I needed to hear.
My third operation was pretty horrific. Not in the sense of it went wrong. The placing of the mole was not great, It meant I was in a lot of pain, more so than my previous operations and not only that I managed to pull the stitches whilst shopping. I actually yelped in pain, giving the cashier a bit of a fright and I returned to the car and cried. I called Mr B and sobbed down the phone. This was the one I struggled with, I think I had finally hit a brick wall and was quite frankly fed up with the poking around, the continuous looks and questions. But a week later, when the pain subsided I had forgotten about all of that!
I am still waiting on the results but I have been told by my consultant that are really doesn’t think its anything sinister, but placement of the mole I wanted it off. It wasn’t vanity, I was scared, scared that the sun would find its way and once again ruin my body.
5 surgeries and 6 moles I have had removed, It’s hard I won’t lie but I do think positively and with the support of my family and friends it’s a lot easier! I have so much support from a lovely bunch of people and I couldn’t ask for anything more. I have friends who rally round me and offer their help with G and H when needed and I am so very grateful.
In the above picture you can just about see the faint scar line of my original Melanoma site. Its fading at long last, but along with it I have an extra 5 scars scattered over my body. 5 scars that tell a very important story. A story that I survived. It’s a lasting memory of what I’ve overcome and still overcoming.