Its been a while since I last updated my you all about my melanoma journey. Its been a strange few months and I just haven’t wanted to blog about it. When things get on top of me I find it quite therapeutic releasing the thoughts in my head. Its like counselling but there is no-one sitting on the couch opposite. I have bundled all my thoughts in my head and I feel like I need to get it all out.
Last time I updated I was waiting. Waiting for those dreaded results. I did mention in a post that thankfully everything came back clear. I had 3 moles removed and I was so worried that something was wrong. The sense of urgency didn’t help. The result was all all fine in the end but the whole process is nerve wracking and so stressful. I over think things and I always think the worst. Its hard not to when you’ve been in the firing line of potentially bad news.
Last month I had a plastics surgery appointment and I don’t ever work myself up half as much as I do when I have a skin cancer appointment. The appointment was running two hours behind and by the time I went in I was actually a nervous wreck! I had sat and dwelled on everything that had happened within the last year and a half and got myself in to a bit of a pickle. I still struggle even today to come to terms with it and I still get quite angry, sounds silly but thats the anxiety talking.
Apparently my original scar is healing really well. I am still having nerve damage treatment on it as its still quite painful. The treatment has dwindled and I am not going as often which is always good news as its doing the job and lasting longer each time. My consultant said that the whole scar looks great. Unfortunately my most recent operation has bought back some pain to the original site. We are going to continue with the treatment for the foreseeable.
My scar, I hate it, I hate the way it travels down the side of my neck. I still try and cover its as much as possible. Now the weather is warming up I am struggling to hide it. Its not as noticeable now but when you know its there you have this overwhelming sense that everyone knows and everyone is looking. I know its not the case, thats what my mind is telling me and its hard to tell it to stop.
My next appointment is a big one. I have no particular worries yet. I am sure I will panic like mad before hand and pick something out for my consultant to check. For now I have a bit of a break from hospitals. I will be enjoying the freedom of no doctors, no consultants and no checks..