THE FEAR

THE FEAR

When I was younger I wasn’t afraid of much. The only things that scared me were death, Injun Joe from Tom Sawyer {he sacred me a lot, I have no idea. It didn’t help that my sister would say he was in the wardrobe at night!} and my said sisters goggly eyes in the dark. As I have got older my fears and anxieties have heightened.

I still fear death. I dwell on it far to much and end up over thinking it and then planning my funeral in my head. Bit extreme! I fear the way I am going to die.ย There is one fear that keeps creeping up and rearing its ugly head and I have to try my damn hardest to push it back down. That fear is caner.

Its doesn’t matter what kind of Cancer, but when you’ve been told you have it once and your at a greater chance of it coming back it does sit there at the forefront of your mind. It never goes away. The fear that it could come back is a fear in itself. This fear doesn’t help my anxiety.

The fear of a rogue mole turning scares me. The mole you least expect and the one you never get checked because you think its fine. I worry so much that after my five years are up under the hospital I find a mole and I don’t have that security blanket anymore of nurses on call and specialist consultants to hand. My biggest fear, is I pass my dodgy genes onto G and H, because you know, thats highly likely. The thought that they could potentially have to go through this because of me scares me. The thought that they could have the same kind of fear I have makes me feel physically sick.

Apparently the most common fears are demons and ghosts. You then have the fears of spiders, cockroaches, snakes, small spaces, water, heights, the list could go on. But I fear that dreaded word the dreaded C word. I fear sitting opposite the consultant and him muttering two simple words of its back. That there is now my biggest fear, not Injun bloody Joe.

 



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