– The C Word –

I still cannot actually say the whole word as I am still in a bit of shock. I wasn’t going to blog about it, but this blog is about my life, family and how we cope with parenthood, no matter what it involves, and its actually been quite nice and a bit of a release to get it out.

I mentioned a while ago about having to have a minor op to remove a mole. Nothing serious, just one on my neck that had changed in colour and become a little itchy. I was rushed through and although it happened really quickly it wasn’t something I was overly concerned about. We went on holiday and the following Monday once we returned I was having the mole removed. It was a three week wait for the results.

Today I got those results, 3 weeks to the day of having it removed, and it really was not what we were expecting. Although it crossed my mind, I still wouldn’t think about it, but when they phoned on Tuesday to rush me in to see the consultant for today I started to actually worry that something could be wrong. They only call you in if something is seriously wrong, right?

The words that fell from the consultants mouth hit me like a train and I cried, I cried a lot. I felt Mr B touch my shoulder and squeeze it and I cried even more. I actually could not stop silently crying. I am 32 how is this possible? I hate the sun, I don’t sunbath, I don’t sit out in it religiously hoping to go a nice shade of brown, I would prefer to sit under a tree and be out of harms way.

I laid down on the bed whilst I was checked for more moles and I giggled a bit, It was a nervous giggle and I couldn’t stop. I then got upset again and started to cry. For someone to tell you, you have a melanoma is a little overwhelming. It transpires that I need to have another mole removed and the original mole that was removed needs to be cleaned up and some more tissue taken away. I will then be seen every 3 months for the next 5 years.

Its quite raw, to think that I have it, have had it, whatever, scares me and I am so glad I went and got it seen to when I did. I am now waiting on a consultation for plastics. The wait is not nice. The last three weeks seemed to have dragged by and it feels like months ago I had that first consultation. Its a strange feeling but knowing I am being treated and looked after in the best way possible is making me feel at ease.

The tears are slowly easing, its just when I am not doing anything I tend to wander with my thoughts I am slowly coming to terms with everything. The next five years are definitely going to be a worry and tough with constant trips to the hospital. I have a wonderful family who are there for me, and are being really supportive and telling me what I need to hear.

I feel heavy, sad, teary, scared, anxious, worried, uneasy, tense, strained, stressed, the list could go on. I want to feel normal again, I want to feel happy and not have this over me.

Again I keep asking myself Why Me?

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14 Comments

  1. August 27, 2015 / 6:08 pm

    I am so sorry to hear this. But it sounds like you have a lovely family who will help you through this. Sending all my love and stay strong lovely xx

  2. August 27, 2015 / 8:14 pm

    Oh my goodness I’m so sorry to hear this! When you first wrote about having the mole removed I was keeping everything crossed for you that it would be benign. As you say though it’s thanks to you being vigilant and getting it looked at that it’s been caught early. I hope that your appointment comes through soon but in the meantime it sounds like your family are taking very good care of you.

    Take care. Vx

    • August 27, 2015 / 8:17 pm

      Thank you, it’s so so important to check yourself and get to know your moles.. It’s happened so quickly, I am just so glad I decided to go to the Dr when I did..

  3. August 27, 2015 / 9:27 pm

    Oh sweetpea! How awful for you. I can’t even imagine. I’m thinking of you and really hoping and praying that you’ll be much better soon. Look after your wee self xx

  4. Not A Frumpy Mum
    August 28, 2015 / 11:07 am

    Oh lovely, I am so sorry you are going through this. It must have been terrifying to hear those words from the consultant. It does sound like they are looking after you and giving you the best possible treatment. Thinking of you and take care. xxx

  5. mummydaddyme
    August 29, 2015 / 7:20 am

    I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this lovely. It must have been really terrifying to hear this and I am glad you have got some amazing family helping you through. The same thing happened to my step sister a couple of years ago and she’s being monitored by the hospital every once in a while. Not a nice thing at all. 🙁 x

    • August 29, 2015 / 7:23 am

      Thank you Katie, very shocked by it all., slowly coming to terms with it all.. I honestly thought I would be sent away with a “good to be cautious, but it’s nothing” remark.. How wrong was I!

  6. September 2, 2015 / 5:24 pm

    Gosh, I’ve only just caught up on this. So sorry lovely, such an awful thing to be going through. Will be thinking of you and praying xxx

  7. September 4, 2015 / 8:19 am

    Oh lovely. I don’t know what to say. Sending lots of love and hugs and hoping it’s all ok. xxxxx

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