WHAT SKIN CANCER LOOKS LIKE | MY MELANOMA JOURNEY

WHAT SKIN CANCER LOOKS LIKE | MY MELANOMA JOURNEY

I read an article the other day and it made my blood boil. It made me so cross I threw my phone out of my hand and took a few deep breaths. That article was about how British people were parading around on social media, showing of their burnt skin, their red tan marks they just so happened to get over the bank holiday weekend. It makes me cross that people out there can be so incompetent in protecting themselves.

There was probably a stage in my life when I thought it was cool to have tan lines, now I think it’s so irresponsible and it makes me so angry that people thrive off sharing their “burnt skin”. Applying yourself  in a factor 30 {or 50 in my case} only takes a few minutes and it can save your life. Take it from me, skin cancer  sucks and no amount of hospital visits and checks ups make you feel any better about it.

I have decided to finally get it out there and show you what my Melanoma looked like. Ive dealt with a lot of insecure issues about the after effects of my scar. I have briefly shown it on Instagram, but I have never shown it from the mole itself. That mole buried itself into my skin, it thrived off the sun and it took in all its rays with gratitude and it left me with skin cancer. It left me with a scar so long I have to try and hide it most days because I can’t bear to look at it. Its left me feeling so insecure about myself that I struggle even now to come to terms with the fact I had cancer.

So do you know what skin cancer looks like? I didn’t, I honestly thought I had a spot, a whitehead just under my ear. It wasn’t until a few weeks had past that I finally asked Mr B what it actually was that he told me, it was a mole, in a mole, in a mole. It wasn’t symmetrical, it had jagged edges and the colour was not the same throughout. I left it a few more weeks and then decided that I really should get it checked out. I am thankful that I was rushed through on the basis it was nothing to worry about, but it wasn’t, every professional that looked at it new deep down what it was, they tried to hide their feelings from me, but I had a bad feeling from the start.

Below is the mole, the mole that has caused me all this grief, all the struggles. This is what skin cancer looks like. This was my mole, my skin cancer, my story.

I won’t lie, I was that person I mentioned at the beginning of this post, the one that was so ignorant to even use a factor 30 to protect themselves. There were occasions when I never did use suncream, I was blasé about the sun back then. You could say I bought it on myself? You could say, it was all my fault? Its so hard to just accept that this happened and I have moments where I am perfectly fine, and don’t think about it and then there are times when the sun is blazing down and I am covered up trying to protect myself from the devil in the sky.  I hate it, I hate that the thing everyone craves, I detest for so many reasons.

So my scar? The thing that sits perfectly down the side of my face. The thing that I should be proud of, people say I should wear it with pride. I beat it. But I can’t, I look at it and I feel pain, I feel broken and I feel like it shouldn’t be there. But it is and its something I need to learn to accept. I thought, by now I would of done, but I haven’t. I hate it and I hate what it means. I hate I have to say I had cancer. That is something I never ever wanted to say.

Its not just that scar, I have another 4. One runs parallel to the original scar but its further up behind my ear. Another is on my neck, stomach and lower back. Its feels like I am battered and bruised. The scars tell a story, a story I hate telling. A story that frightens me. A story that doesn’t seem real. A story that chose me. A story that ends in me hating the thing that everyone pines for.

Honestly the last few years have been so intense. Overwhelmingly intense. All 5 scars are a lasting memory of what I’ve overcome and still overcoming.

 



2 thoughts on “WHAT SKIN CANCER LOOKS LIKE | MY MELANOMA JOURNEY”

  • Thank you for writing this. It is something which needs to be said. I don’t think people realise just how dangerous the sun is until it happens to them or someone they love. Having lived abroad and avoided the sun like the plague, it never fails to amaze me how people can be so stupid as to get burnt. Or put their children in danger by allowing them to get burnt, or go out into the sun without any SPF at all. I’ve seen people so red they’ve turned purple. Blisters the size of dinner plates. Kids seriously ill through sunstroke and people slathering themselves in oil like they were a turkey on Christmas Day! I’ll admit I’m no angel, I’ve had a dip in the pool when no one was around to rub suncream on my back. But it has taken 8 years of living abroad to get even a semblance of a tan. The sun, sunbeds and even those UV lights for doing nails are instant repellers for me. Even more so since I’ve come to know what you’ve been through thanks to your blog.

    I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve been through and what you are still going through every day. But I do admire your strength, your ability to carry on even when you must have felt completely broken and exhausted by it all, and your bravery in sharing your story on your blog and on instagram etc. Here’s hoping you never have to hear the word cancer again, unless it’s to tell you you’re completely free of it x

    • Thank you so so much for this lovely comment. {especially the last paragraph} I get so angry and frustrated that people take the sun for granted. I find it so frustrating seeing people red raw, and clearly not protected. Its heightened more because of what I’ve gone through, but really it’s just common sense to protect yourself. xxx

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