– The Times When I Just Want To Give Up {The Ordinary Moments} –

I sit on the sofa of an evening and I dwell on the day that has passed and guilt floods me. I honestly sometimes wonder why I deserve to be a mum sometimes. My voice aches from shouting too much and my mind is doing overtime. Im scared at what Moo and H think of me sometimes. Im supposed to be the good guy, but lately thats not the case.

Before I tuck them into bed, I give them a big kiss and tell them that I love them. Once they are both asleep I will go back in and watch them sleeping. Slowly breathing, watching their bodies rise and fall with each breath taken. The guilt overcomes and I sit and think how hard parenthood is. I don’t regret it, I couldn’t ask for anything more, but god I find it hard.

This week has been hard. The last few weeks have in fact. I hate shouting, I hate telling them no, but sometimes its just a must and both Moo and H need to know their boundaries. We had the most horrendous school uniform shopping trip on Saturday and although it started so well, Moo had a major meltdown which resulted in me walking off and leaving her with daddy. I was embarrassed and upset and it was over a pair of shoes, {a pair of bloody shoes!} As I am typing this I am laughing to myself as I still cannot believe it happened. It blew up from nothing and it resulted in walking around a shopping centre with a screaming 6 year old.

It really is times like this that I want to give up, I want to run and hide somewhere. I want to hide away from the troubles and stresses of parenthood and just be me. I don’t want to be that shouty mother you see, screaming at their children in the street, I don’t want to be the bad guy, I don’t want to be a horrible parent who looses her cool and WANTS to hide away. I want to be the parent who is chilled and relaxed {actually is there a parent like that out there?}

As I type this Moo is watching daddy order some tiles {the excitement!} and H is playing nicely. I am feeling ever so guilty and I don’t think I would be a good parent if I didn’t. No-one can ever stress how hard parenting is. Its so bloody hard and its so draining at times, but as I type this I know I would not change any of it. Its not always like the above. We have some amazing times where I don’t think I have failed and I don’t feel guilty and those are the days as a parent I enjoy {who doesn’t?!}

The good always outweigh the bad..

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I am linking up with the lovely Katie at Mummy Daddy Me for her wonderful linky The Ordinary Moments

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9 thoughts on “– The Times When I Just Want To Give Up {The Ordinary Moments} –”

  • It is so difficult to strike the right balance isn’t it? I feel so many evenings that I shouldn’t have done that and tomorrow will do this but it’s so hard in the heat of the moment. There is always tomorrow – that’s what I tell myself x

  • Ah bless you lovely, I feel like this often. Almost every night I go to bed feeling guilty for something. We can only do our best. It is so hard this parenting malarky. x

  • Oh Anna-Marie there are so many times when I have felt like this – they really do push us to our limits some days don’t they? I had an entire week recently where I just felt like I was at snapping point – something had to give – I needed a break, I needed to be away from them. Then I regained some balance but it is definitely a balancing act. Xx #ordinarymoments

  • I feel like this a lot too, I worry that all they will remember is the shouting or the the times ive said ‘no’. Parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world, I hope you are feeling better soon, the good does outweigh the bad xx

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