The Fear Of Failing | The Ordinary Moments

As a person I worry, I worry a lot and I mostly worry about insignificant things. As a parent I have a fear and it’s a huge fear that other parents may resonate with {or it’s just me!} I have a huge fear of failing and it’s quite an overwhelming fear.
Pre children I didn’t think of failing as a problem.. Obviously it was frustrating if things happened that were not meant to be but since becoming a parent the fear of failing plays a huge part in my daily life. I am petrified of failing my children. I worry that they will grow up and resent me. I’m not sure entirely sure what they would resent me for but its something that plays on my mind a lot.
I found something this weekend under my bed that she had written and it literally broke my heart, I wanted to leave the room and cry. I was so upset a 7 old could think like that. The sense of me failing as a parent took over me and it was like being punched In the stomach. I don’t think she meant it, and it could of been there for some time {just goes to show how often I look under my bed!} but the fact she felt like she had to write it down upset me. I always try and get both G and H to talk about their feelings and if they are sad I want to know why. I’m guessing we had a little argument and she went off and took it out in the paper, but there is a part  of me that now thinks I am failing. I am failing at being a parent and being the best mummy I can.
G is at the age where she really pushes to see how far she can get and I struggle with it. I will loose my cool and it will end in a match at who can shout the loudest and who slams doors the quickest. It’s hard and I find it difficult to keep my cool.
I am currently sat in the bathroom watching her in the bath. The innocence of a little girl, playing with her toys and making up stories, and I find it worrying at how quickly life is passing me by, she isn’t a baby anymore she is a little girl who is testing the boundaries, it’s life and it’s part of growing up.
Failing G or H is not an option in my book and although the fear is there, I need to push if to the back and realise that this is part of parenting and part of life and keep repeating to my self I am not failing them.. I am doing the best I can…

I am linking up with the lovely Katie at Mummy Daddy Me for her wonderful linky The Ordinary Moments

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  1. January 17, 2016 / 9:01 pm

    Ah lovely what an honest and emotional post. You most definitely aren’t failing, I can promise you that. You sound like a wonderful Mum who really cares about her children’s feelings. I remember doing things like that with my Mum, thats little girls for you. I remember telling her I hated her one time when she sat for hours and helped me with my homework and I remember so many times when I wasn’t kind to her. But actually she has done nothing but fail me, she’s a mum in a million. It is just them testing the boundaries and learning to push buttons when they are angry or hurt. x

    • mummyheartsyou
      January 17, 2016 / 9:07 pm

      Thank you Katie.. Its so tough this parenting lark! xx

  2. January 17, 2016 / 9:48 pm

    Oh, parenting is so difficult… my children are younger than yours but the fear of failing is with us all the time. I honestly think, if you are worried about your children, you’re not failing them – you’re caring for them! Children really do test boundaries all the time. Thanks for being so honest in this post x

    • mummyheartsyou
      January 17, 2016 / 9:50 pm

      Thank you, boundaries are most certainly being put to the test lately! xx

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