Motherhood is hard, its tough and tests you to your limit. There are good times, bad times and ugly times. Thankfully the good times weigh out the negatives that happen. But when the negatives do happen you feel like a complete failure as a parent.
I can go through days where everything will go smoothly, I will sit down of an evening and think, today was fun. There are times when I sit down and think, today was hard. Then there are times I just want to completely write the day of as a disaster.
I hate shouting, I don’t like to do it, but there are times all I ever do is shout. Shout so loudly my throat hurts. These of course are the bad days, when no-one listens to you, when you are literally talking to a brick wall. What children don’t understand is that life would be so much simpler if they listened, but of course that wouldn’t make life challenging would it?
I feel like a complete failure when I am shouted at myself, as a parent you want to bring up your children to respect others and you would hope they respect you as an individual not just someone they call mummy. There are days where I am hated and I am told to go and leave them alone. When it comes from a little ones mouth, its hard, its painful and it makes you take a good long hard look at yourself as they are obviously picking it up from your own behaviour.
I can understand how hard it is for little ones to communicate, to tell you how frustrated they are at something, but when its thrown at you like a ton of bricks it winds you and you have to take a step back from the situation, have a little cry, wipe away the tears and start again.
No one ever tells you the hard bits of being a parent, the parts where you want to wish never happened. The shouting to ease and the nicer side of being parent to return, the cuddles, the kisses, the playing nicely, the lovely uninterrupted tantrum free days… Oh how nice those moments are, those are the ones you cherish, the ones you want to remember.