Riding The Storm {The Ordinary Moments}

The last three weeks have not been fun, {a car accident and the death of my much loved nan} May could be a complete right off if you ask me, but its happened and there is not much I can do about it.

There is one person I could not have battled it all with and that is Mr B. He has been amazing and I am so glad we have rode this storm together, because thats what it feels like, I feel like I have been caught up in the worst storm possible, but I have had him holding me through it.

Its been just over a week since my nan passed and it hasn’t got any easier. Its hard, I ache and if I sit and do nothing its all I think about. I still hold a shed load of guilt and I doubt that will pass anytime soon. On Tuesday I say my final goodbye, I will be able to give her a kiss and tell her how much I wish things were different. I so wish things were so different. On Wednesday its the funeral and I am scared, scared its over and scared its the end.

I never thought I would react this way, I thought I would be able to accept whats happened, but I can’t. I cannot come to terms with the fact I will never see my nan again. The guilt kicks in and I wish I made more of an effort, I wish I had just popped over on a Saturday and not cared what I had planned. I should of just visited, but I didn’t and I have to deal with that.

But in all of this, there is one person who has been my back bone, the one to keep me standing, through out all of this..

My husband..

Mr B, really has been such a superstar, he has wiped my tears and cuddled me when one was needed. He has told me things I needed to hear and he has listened to my stories of childhood memories. Without him, I would be a mess and I am so glad I have him.. I am so so lucky and I feel privileged to be his wife, and more importantly I am so proud to call him, the man I love, my husband.


I am linking up with the lovely Katie at Mummy Daddy Me for her wonderful linky The Ordinary Moments

mummy daddy me

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  1. May 31, 2015 / 9:18 am

    Oh lovely. So glad that Mr B has been your rock. I don’t have grandparents and never had a relationship with them so for me, I don’t know the pain with any specificity. But when the hub’s grandad passed away a few years ago, he felt the same. Felt guilty for not going over the last time there was an opportunity. Feeling guilty for not seeing him more. It’s natural of course but I think you have to try to focus on the good moments and I am sure she thought you a wonderful granddaughter xxx

  2. May 31, 2015 / 9:42 am

    I’m sorry for your loss but so glad you’ve got someone by your side keeping you as strong as possible! Loosing someone you love is a horrible shock and I think guilt is part and parcel I certainly felt it! Thinking of you xx

  3. mummydaddyme
    May 31, 2015 / 2:05 pm

    What a lovely lovely post, even through the sadness. Your husband sounds like one in a million and you are very lucky indeed to have him, I hope you show him this post. I am so sorry to hear about your Nan, I am incredibly close to both my sets, especially on my Mum’s side and I know I will be absolutely heartbroken when something happens. Sending you so much love. xx

  4. May 31, 2015 / 6:17 pm

    I am sorry for your loss. I can identify with that guilt, too, and then sadness as just a year later I had my first-born and she would have so loved her and I’d have had more time to spend with her, too. This is a lovely post and tribute to Mr B, so powerful to have a rock like this beside you. Thinking of you x

  5. dontcallmestepmummy
    June 1, 2015 / 9:42 pm

    Awww so sorry you’ve been through such a tough time, beautifully written post, and I’m so glad that you have a great husband, thinking of you all at this time xxx #ordinarymoments

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